alone

I continue to realize one thing over and over again throughout my life… man, I hate being alone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love having my own space, being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want in my apartment, but there’s something about being alone for an extended period of time that I simply loathe.

Today was my first day alone, post shoulder surgery. My mom packed up and headed home last night, which left me all alone for the first time since last week Wednesday.

Was I sad? Of course.

Was I nervous about managing alone in my apartment with a bum shoulder? A little.

Was I self-talking to convince myself I’m independent? Most definitely.

The night was easier than I thought. My brother-in-law dropped me off last night and helped me get situated before he left. I got ready for bed and it was lights out. I finally slept in and it was glorious.

The day was when things got tricky, but not in the sense I thought it would. I was able to make myself lunch. I successfully filled up my ice machine and hooked myself up to it multiple times. I loaded my dishwasher and took out my trash. I was functioning just fine. What I didn’t expect was how lonely I’d be…

Don’t get me wrong I loveeee binging shows or watching movies, but after a few episodes during lunch and icing I felt sick of sitting on my couch watching. I craved human interaction. The weird part is, is that it’s not like I really feel up to doing something with someone. I’m still fighting a cold and my shoulder is in the earlier stages of healing, I simply don’t have much energy. I think I simply enjoy the presence of other people. Whether it’s through watching a show together or doing completely different tasks in the same space, I just like the company. I like the presence of another person and having no other presence today was hard.

Trust Yourself

8 responses to “alone”

  1. I remember when I first lived on my own. The worst days were when I was sick and no one was there to comfort me. I am sorry you are feeling alone, and I hope your shoulder heals quickly so you won’t be so lonely anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the kind words 💛

      Like

  2. I hear you! I have had more alone time lately and have realized that although I enjoy parts of it… I don’t LOVE being by myself for too long.

    I hope your healing continues on a good path!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hmmm…as I read this, I find that there are times I relate, but, there are times when being alone is all I want. So it’s funny, as human beings, we go through these phases. I can imagine in your position, I would want someone just because I would feel a little more vulnerable.
    I hope you watch another movie and enjoy that, I also hope you get the human interaction you need.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing that perspective! 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This sounds hard. I find that my first day of being alone is always hardest–it’s a different kind of rhythm, and that always takes some getting used to. Your section with the questions (“Was I ….?”) made me smile, and the rest made me remember that particular kind of loneliness. Hope today was a better day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Today was a much better day! 💛

      Like

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